I can't believe it has taken till now for me to post my test result. It has been non stop since i got my .............................BFP!!! I just couldn't believe it.
I slept really well the evening before. I intended to get up at 7 like I would be if I was doing my pesserie. I would then do the test and get back in bed and wait with OH. It didn't quite work like that! I pee-ed in a cup thinking that if for some reason the test was faulty then I hadn't wasted my morning wee. So I sorted my self out and dipped the test. I popped it on the side and flushed the loo. By the time I got back into bed the test was showing clearly a BFP!
I said t oother half, you better get saving! Bless him, I saw his face fall, he though I meant for another go, not that I was pregnant!
So the last few days have been a blurr, it really doesn't feel real. We have told family and close friends, they already knew we where going through ICSI so where waiting for an answer, so to speak.
So here I am sitting here pregnant! I have done a fair few tests which have shown a nice strong line. I also did a digi test yesterday and it came up with 3+ which is really strong and I hope means both our babies are snuggled in.
As for symptoms, tiremess is setting in, and the sicky feeling is there. Im pee-ing loads which also means lots of knicker checking. I can't wait for my first scan in 3 weeks. Hang on in there my darlings xx
Monday, 3 May 2010
Wednesday, 28 April 2010
Test day tomorrow!
I haven't written loads about my 2ww, to be honest im trying to pretend its not a big deal, I don't want to sit and symptom spot all day every day.
So it's the eve before test day and im feeling quite hopefull. It has been such a roller coaster the last 2 weeks, in a nut shell this is how it went
Twinkle xx
So it's the eve before test day and im feeling quite hopefull. It has been such a roller coaster the last 2 weeks, in a nut shell this is how it went
- 1 -5 dpt - cramps, niggles, twinges, pokey feelings. My boobs hurt like hell. I put most of this down to my body recovering from the egg collection
- the eve of 5 dpt - a little bit of reddy brown blood when wiping
- 6 and 7 dpt - niggles and cramps
- Eve of 7dpt - moore reddy brown blood when wiping
- 8dpt - More reddy brown spotting, a little heavier, called clinic who advised there was nothing they could do and if it was going to fail, it was going to fail
- 9 and 10 dpt nothing, absolutly nothing, not even a twinge and boobs no longer hurt
- the last 3 days I have had sicky moments, veiny sore boobs, peeing more, extreme hunger
Twinkle xx
Friday, 23 April 2010
1 week in, 1 week left
Well this is one hell of a 2ww! It all started really well. Felt rubbish, had lots of niggles, pains and extremly tender boobs. I have been good, no caffine alcohol, eaten healthly had reqular sleep..........but not all is good.
This morning I have been having reddy brown on the tissue after wipping! To say it has scared me is an understatement! Im freaked out something stupid. im 8days past 3 day transfer and i'm trying to stay rational.
I called the clinic, which to be honest wasn't very helpful. The said its either an irritation to the pesseries or its failing. The nurse didn't beat about the bush, didn't try to reasure me with "well sometimes it happens", basically if its going to fail its going to fail....Once I put the phone down I promptly burst into tears. This is the first time since starting this treatment I have cried.
I have told OH who is now worrying, I wish I had kept quiet to be honest. I know this isnt the end, what I have been seeing is nothing really. Its not bright red and it really is minamal, but I can't stop thinking about it.
I guess i'm going to have to wait. Test day is on the 29th and there is no reason to give up xxx
This morning I have been having reddy brown on the tissue after wipping! To say it has scared me is an understatement! Im freaked out something stupid. im 8days past 3 day transfer and i'm trying to stay rational.
I called the clinic, which to be honest wasn't very helpful. The said its either an irritation to the pesseries or its failing. The nurse didn't beat about the bush, didn't try to reasure me with "well sometimes it happens", basically if its going to fail its going to fail....Once I put the phone down I promptly burst into tears. This is the first time since starting this treatment I have cried.
I have told OH who is now worrying, I wish I had kept quiet to be honest. I know this isnt the end, what I have been seeing is nothing really. Its not bright red and it really is minamal, but I can't stop thinking about it.
I guess i'm going to have to wait. Test day is on the 29th and there is no reason to give up xxx
Thursday, 15 April 2010
PUPO
Well im officially PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise)..............
It was a funny old experiance. Im lying there in my lovely white towel, full bladder and speculum keeping everything in show and OH is sitting there with his shocking blue shoe covers, rubbing my shoulder, which I know is his way of say, "god I hope your ok" anyway we had 2, 8 cell embryos, one was good and the other very good. This was apparently really good and what they would expect on a 3 day transfer!
Unfortunatly the other 2 were no good for freezing. We even came away with a little ultasound pic of our 2 white dots.......Fingers crossed the implant nicely! God this is so exciting! x
It was a funny old experiance. Im lying there in my lovely white towel, full bladder and speculum keeping everything in show and OH is sitting there with his shocking blue shoe covers, rubbing my shoulder, which I know is his way of say, "god I hope your ok" anyway we had 2, 8 cell embryos, one was good and the other very good. This was apparently really good and what they would expect on a 3 day transfer!
Unfortunatly the other 2 were no good for freezing. We even came away with a little ultasound pic of our 2 white dots.......Fingers crossed the implant nicely! God this is so exciting! x
Wednesday, 14 April 2010
Well egg collection, what can I say!
I completly forgot to update this with my egg collection story. To be honest I have been out of it for the last few days! That sedation stuff is gooood!
We turned up at the clinic in good time on monday and straight away I was ushered downstairs and OH was quickly kissed good by! It was a funny old set up. It was a lovely warm room with 3 recliner chairs and 2 trollys. First of all I was asked to change into the gown in the loo, then I was sat in one of the comfy recliner chairs and asked a load of questions like, "are you wearing any nail polish" , "do you have any false limbs" and so on. So i'm sitting in this room there is another girl across form me in her gown waiting for her turn and another girl sitting drinking tea recovering, a girl on a trolly who has just come back from theater and the nurses fussing around. It was a weird old setup but it kinda worked. It meant there was always someone to chat with and it was friendly. About 10 minuets before it was my time I had the canula popped it, and my god that hurt. They did it in the crease of my elbow but struggled with a vein. It ended up being almost on the out side of my arm, so was quite painful.
The rest is a little blurry! I was made comfy, whch included legs in the stirups, there was a slight issue with this due to my long legs, so for the next 5 minuets I had a lovely nurse adjusting them, but it resulted in her head right on my bits! I then comfirmed my details and they started to inject the sedation, I had the funny taste in my mouth and I remember saing something like "ooooo I can feel it" That was all I remember, next thing I was being shiffted onto the trolly and wheeled back in the room. Somewhere over an hour disapered and next thing im back on the chair drinking tea and eating biscuits!
It was lovely to chat to other in the same position, but it was so nerve wracking wondering how many eggs did they get, has it worked. Eventually I meet OH in another room where I was told they got 7 eggies! I was over the moon and so was OH. We were told someone would call tomorrowwith fertilisation results. When we got home OH cooked some food because I was starving and then I promptly fell asleep for 3 hours!
All in all It was a good experiance, I haven't really had much pain, just this almighty feeling of trapped farty wind!
That night I slept like a log, I woke at 7 to start the pesseries and fell back to sleep. I woke to the phone ringing, it was the clininc letting me know out of the 7 eggs, 5 were suitable and were injected, out of those 5, 4 fertilised! To say I was happy was an understatement, its great news.
We are back to the clininc tomorrow for transfer and then the 2 week wait begins...........
We turned up at the clinic in good time on monday and straight away I was ushered downstairs and OH was quickly kissed good by! It was a funny old set up. It was a lovely warm room with 3 recliner chairs and 2 trollys. First of all I was asked to change into the gown in the loo, then I was sat in one of the comfy recliner chairs and asked a load of questions like, "are you wearing any nail polish" , "do you have any false limbs" and so on. So i'm sitting in this room there is another girl across form me in her gown waiting for her turn and another girl sitting drinking tea recovering, a girl on a trolly who has just come back from theater and the nurses fussing around. It was a weird old setup but it kinda worked. It meant there was always someone to chat with and it was friendly. About 10 minuets before it was my time I had the canula popped it, and my god that hurt. They did it in the crease of my elbow but struggled with a vein. It ended up being almost on the out side of my arm, so was quite painful.
The rest is a little blurry! I was made comfy, whch included legs in the stirups, there was a slight issue with this due to my long legs, so for the next 5 minuets I had a lovely nurse adjusting them, but it resulted in her head right on my bits! I then comfirmed my details and they started to inject the sedation, I had the funny taste in my mouth and I remember saing something like "ooooo I can feel it" That was all I remember, next thing I was being shiffted onto the trolly and wheeled back in the room. Somewhere over an hour disapered and next thing im back on the chair drinking tea and eating biscuits!
It was lovely to chat to other in the same position, but it was so nerve wracking wondering how many eggs did they get, has it worked. Eventually I meet OH in another room where I was told they got 7 eggies! I was over the moon and so was OH. We were told someone would call tomorrowwith fertilisation results. When we got home OH cooked some food because I was starving and then I promptly fell asleep for 3 hours!
All in all It was a good experiance, I haven't really had much pain, just this almighty feeling of trapped farty wind!
That night I slept like a log, I woke at 7 to start the pesseries and fell back to sleep. I woke to the phone ringing, it was the clininc letting me know out of the 7 eggs, 5 were suitable and were injected, out of those 5, 4 fertilised! To say I was happy was an understatement, its great news.
We are back to the clininc tomorrow for transfer and then the 2 week wait begins...........
Sunday, 11 April 2010
Egg collection tomorrow!
Well I have a new set of worries now!!!
I had my second scan on friday and the small number of follicles I do have have all grown nicely, Chantelle was happy, which is really reassuing! I have come to the conclusion that the whole right side of me is useless! My right knee has no cartilage behind it, I have tendonitus in my right wrist and elbow, and im partially deaf in my right ear......ohhhhh and now my right ovary seems to be useless!
I did my trigger shot at 1030pm Saturday night! OH was on a stag do so I was all alone! Which im glad about he would have only fussed!
So my new set of worries..................I have egg collection tomorrow, which im ok about! Im used to people peering in my lady bits and prodding me with needles, all I have to worry about is 1, them finding my eggs, and 2, them fertilizing! I can't even imagine how im going to cope till I have that phone call telling me what's happening! I think it will be about 24 hours after egg collection. Im not even close to thinking about what its going to be like when they put them back and im PUPO (pregnant untill proven otherwise) I can't let my self think that far ahead!
I actually feel sick with worry that they wont fertilise! But I have to remember they will be given as much chance as possible! Please look after my little eggies!
The next time I post I will know what they managed to get and how well they are doing!
Say a little prayer for me and blow some sparkley dust my way! xxx
I had my second scan on friday and the small number of follicles I do have have all grown nicely, Chantelle was happy, which is really reassuing! I have come to the conclusion that the whole right side of me is useless! My right knee has no cartilage behind it, I have tendonitus in my right wrist and elbow, and im partially deaf in my right ear......ohhhhh and now my right ovary seems to be useless!
I did my trigger shot at 1030pm Saturday night! OH was on a stag do so I was all alone! Which im glad about he would have only fussed!
So my new set of worries..................I have egg collection tomorrow, which im ok about! Im used to people peering in my lady bits and prodding me with needles, all I have to worry about is 1, them finding my eggs, and 2, them fertilizing! I can't even imagine how im going to cope till I have that phone call telling me what's happening! I think it will be about 24 hours after egg collection. Im not even close to thinking about what its going to be like when they put them back and im PUPO (pregnant untill proven otherwise) I can't let my self think that far ahead!
I actually feel sick with worry that they wont fertilise! But I have to remember they will be given as much chance as possible! Please look after my little eggies!
The next time I post I will know what they managed to get and how well they are doing!
Say a little prayer for me and blow some sparkley dust my way! xxx
Thursday, 8 April 2010
First scan yesterday :-(
Yesterday was my first scan since I had started stimming! The reason I didn't write this last night was because I was upset, but now I have seen the positive side of things and stressing less.
The nurse was just lovely showing me my insides, even my bowel wich was moving about and quite disgusting, all I could think of was is "ooooo theres poos in there" Anyway it turns out I haven't responded as well as they would expect a 29 year old to, especially as all my blood results were pretty much normal. It turns out my right ovary has struggled and produced 2 small follicles. My left ovary has produced 5 folicles, and they are all around the 12-16 mm mark which is good, apparently! The nurse wasn't overly conserned but reasured me that its quality not quantaty and due to my age the hope them to be beautiful eggs! Now we have to hope they keep growing and that OH swimmer defrost well and we have some kick arse embies to pop back, and the best outcome would be some to freeze!
I had a little cry but looking at the positive side! All is not lost and I have to concentrate on whats there and not wish for more! I intend to spend the next few days drinking loads of fluid drinking lots of milk and hugging my hot bag thingy. Tomorrow I have my 2nd scan. Hopefully they have grown and all is good for egg collection next week!!!!!!!
Feeling lots of love and positivity today! PMA!!!!!!!! xxxx
The nurse was just lovely showing me my insides, even my bowel wich was moving about and quite disgusting, all I could think of was is "ooooo theres poos in there" Anyway it turns out I haven't responded as well as they would expect a 29 year old to, especially as all my blood results were pretty much normal. It turns out my right ovary has struggled and produced 2 small follicles. My left ovary has produced 5 folicles, and they are all around the 12-16 mm mark which is good, apparently! The nurse wasn't overly conserned but reasured me that its quality not quantaty and due to my age the hope them to be beautiful eggs! Now we have to hope they keep growing and that OH swimmer defrost well and we have some kick arse embies to pop back, and the best outcome would be some to freeze!
I had a little cry but looking at the positive side! All is not lost and I have to concentrate on whats there and not wish for more! I intend to spend the next few days drinking loads of fluid drinking lots of milk and hugging my hot bag thingy. Tomorrow I have my 2nd scan. Hopefully they have grown and all is good for egg collection next week!!!!!!!
Feeling lots of love and positivity today! PMA!!!!!!!! xxxx
Monday, 5 April 2010
It's been nearly a week!
I can't believe how quick the last week has gone............Stimming has been fine and completly painless so its all going well.
I still don't feel great, still so tired and pretty much have a headache all the time. I have also found my moods a bit up and down. Twice last week I popped into town and pretty much had an emotional melt down over the most silly things, I ended up walking back to work teary eyed and snotty. I have also found it harder to be around people, I feel so antisocial. I'm not sure if this is the drugs or people constantly asking me how I was and where we were with treatment. I guess some of this is our fault for telling people.....to late now though.
I'm starting to feel things working down below. It feels abit like ovulation niggles but its lasting alot longer, I am also starting to bloat! It's a weird old feeling, but I know its a good thing. My next scan is Wednesday so fingers crossed everything is doing as it should.
I have had a lovely long weekend and I really could do without going into work tomorrow! Still a 4 day week and im praying that all going well egg collection will be just over a week away..........x
I still don't feel great, still so tired and pretty much have a headache all the time. I have also found my moods a bit up and down. Twice last week I popped into town and pretty much had an emotional melt down over the most silly things, I ended up walking back to work teary eyed and snotty. I have also found it harder to be around people, I feel so antisocial. I'm not sure if this is the drugs or people constantly asking me how I was and where we were with treatment. I guess some of this is our fault for telling people.....to late now though.
I'm starting to feel things working down below. It feels abit like ovulation niggles but its lasting alot longer, I am also starting to bloat! It's a weird old feeling, but I know its a good thing. My next scan is Wednesday so fingers crossed everything is doing as it should.
I have had a lovely long weekend and I really could do without going into work tomorrow! Still a 4 day week and im praying that all going well egg collection will be just over a week away..........x
Monday, 29 March 2010
Stimming starts tommorw!
Well as the title says, I start stimming tomorrow, which means my blood tests showed I was surppressed enough! great news!
It was quite a funny time at the clinic today. I always knew I needed to have a mock transfer due to past treatment on abnormal cells on my cervix. What I didn't know was they were planning to do that today, much to my horror! I have always had a heavy periods, this month is no exception. I voiced my concerns to the nurse that I was heavy and was this ok, she assured me this was fine. The next nurse that came to get me took me to a room and assured me everything was ok and it was perfectly normal but I could come back tomorrow if i prefered....I looked a little oddly at her.....apparently the other nurse told her I was scared to have it done during my period! Talk about crossed wires, what I actually meant was I was concerned because I was heavy and it wasn't going to me much fun for them!! I mean how nice am I! Anyway it was soon over and done with and midly uncomfortable, like a really bad period cramp. So I left the clinic all slippery, if you know what I mean and headed back to work!
So I'm all ready to start injection number 2. I will be taking 225ml of Gonal F and then 0.25ml of Buserelin each morning. I was getting excited that all the headaches and tiredness I had been experiancing would slowly go, but its just my luck that some of the side effects of the Gonal F is headaches and tiredness! My next appointment at the clinic is on the 7th, this will be my first scan to see how my folicles are growing, then another scan on the 9th and fingers crossed egg collection week of the 12th......Its going soooo fast!
x
It was quite a funny time at the clinic today. I always knew I needed to have a mock transfer due to past treatment on abnormal cells on my cervix. What I didn't know was they were planning to do that today, much to my horror! I have always had a heavy periods, this month is no exception. I voiced my concerns to the nurse that I was heavy and was this ok, she assured me this was fine. The next nurse that came to get me took me to a room and assured me everything was ok and it was perfectly normal but I could come back tomorrow if i prefered....I looked a little oddly at her.....apparently the other nurse told her I was scared to have it done during my period! Talk about crossed wires, what I actually meant was I was concerned because I was heavy and it wasn't going to me much fun for them!! I mean how nice am I! Anyway it was soon over and done with and midly uncomfortable, like a really bad period cramp. So I left the clinic all slippery, if you know what I mean and headed back to work!
So I'm all ready to start injection number 2. I will be taking 225ml of Gonal F and then 0.25ml of Buserelin each morning. I was getting excited that all the headaches and tiredness I had been experiancing would slowly go, but its just my luck that some of the side effects of the Gonal F is headaches and tiredness! My next appointment at the clinic is on the 7th, this will be my first scan to see how my folicles are growing, then another scan on the 9th and fingers crossed egg collection week of the 12th......Its going soooo fast!
x
Sunday, 28 March 2010
One of those days.....
Well the weekend is nearly over :-( I'm more tired than I was Friday afternoon, how I have managed that, I do not know, and it's not like I have been busy.
We went out last night and it was the first time since starting treatment I have been out properly. I found it quite hard staying sober, watching everyone get merry, but OH was great. He knew I had a headache and was tired so we left at a reasonable time.
I set my alarm (and remembered to put the clocks forward) to get up and do my injection. I'm bloody glad that I managed to get back to sleep when I climbed back into bed otherwise I would have been even worse today.
I was looking forward to having a chilled day on the sofa reading my book, but no!! It was just my luck I was in a reastless, can't decide, can't settle, no attention span kinda mood, and poor OH got the brunt of it. It was kinda funny, I didn't want to read, watch tv, make cards, bake, clean, go out, play cards, nothing, absolutly nothing blew my skirt up. Now due to my inability to decide of anything it is now half 7 and the day is over. I'm finally going to chill and watch Dancing on Ice - The Final.
Tomorrow I have my blood test to make sure im Down regulated, and everything is nice and quiet, fingers crossed I am, so I can stat injection number 2. If im not, it's going to mean forking out for more drugs! Expensive times! One down side tomorrow is getting from Winchester to SOuthampton for 9 o'clock. Normally it's 20 mins to the clinic, but peek time is going to be a flipping nightmare! Road rage on a monday morning, you got to love it! x
We went out last night and it was the first time since starting treatment I have been out properly. I found it quite hard staying sober, watching everyone get merry, but OH was great. He knew I had a headache and was tired so we left at a reasonable time.
I set my alarm (and remembered to put the clocks forward) to get up and do my injection. I'm bloody glad that I managed to get back to sleep when I climbed back into bed otherwise I would have been even worse today.
I was looking forward to having a chilled day on the sofa reading my book, but no!! It was just my luck I was in a reastless, can't decide, can't settle, no attention span kinda mood, and poor OH got the brunt of it. It was kinda funny, I didn't want to read, watch tv, make cards, bake, clean, go out, play cards, nothing, absolutly nothing blew my skirt up. Now due to my inability to decide of anything it is now half 7 and the day is over. I'm finally going to chill and watch Dancing on Ice - The Final.
Tomorrow I have my blood test to make sure im Down regulated, and everything is nice and quiet, fingers crossed I am, so I can stat injection number 2. If im not, it's going to mean forking out for more drugs! Expensive times! One down side tomorrow is getting from Winchester to SOuthampton for 9 o'clock. Normally it's 20 mins to the clinic, but peek time is going to be a flipping nightmare! Road rage on a monday morning, you got to love it! x
Thursday, 25 March 2010
Woo hoo, the witch is here!
Im pleased to say the witch is here, she has unpacked and settled in nicely. I have to say though she has been a bit of a pain. for the last 5 days I have had cramps almost like she was going to turn up any minute but insted she has just been teasing me! Hey ho she is here! So this morning I called the clinic and arranged my day 4 bloods. These will make sure things have shut down nicely. Fingers crossed.....then I get to stab myself twice a day! Much fun.....
I'm still suffering with headaches, last nights was quite bad, and I felt quite sick, but I managed to fall asleep so that was the end of that. Its really hard to explain the headaches. Its not like a throbbing pain, like when you have a cold its like a head pain, but almost cloth like! Its diffecult to explain, that probably doesn't help at all.
All and all its been a great week. I'm still feeling positive and excited, OH has been fantastic, I really can't fault him, apart from his insistance of sticking his finger in my belly button because 1, I hate it and 2 he knows once im preggers he is not to do it! so he is taking every oppertunity.
I have to say though, I have read lots of storys about how hard people find this journey and how much of a strain it can put on a relationship, but I can honestly say that i'm doing good, fantastic in fact! Am I weird??? :-)
Rock on the weekend!!! x
I'm still suffering with headaches, last nights was quite bad, and I felt quite sick, but I managed to fall asleep so that was the end of that. Its really hard to explain the headaches. Its not like a throbbing pain, like when you have a cold its like a head pain, but almost cloth like! Its diffecult to explain, that probably doesn't help at all.
All and all its been a great week. I'm still feeling positive and excited, OH has been fantastic, I really can't fault him, apart from his insistance of sticking his finger in my belly button because 1, I hate it and 2 he knows once im preggers he is not to do it! so he is taking every oppertunity.
I have to say though, I have read lots of storys about how hard people find this journey and how much of a strain it can put on a relationship, but I can honestly say that i'm doing good, fantastic in fact! Am I weird??? :-)
Rock on the weekend!!! x
Sunday, 21 March 2010
Side effects.......
Now I don’t think im suffering to much with “side effects” however some strange things are going on. The first one being my ability to say the most random things at the most inappropriate times. I was sitting in a meeting on Friday and decided to announce to my colleagues that I needed a wee. So very embarrassing. The second one was equally bad. I told the lovely kind bus driver I couldn’t be arsed to walk home, he didn’t even ask me anything apart from “where to”, I was in the process of sending a friend a text, so I guess it was another, say what your thinking moment. I never suffer with this but it’s becoming a recurring problem!
I know the point of the Burserlin is to induce a chemical menopause, shutting off parts of the brain that produce all those lovely FSH chemicals, but I think it is also shutting off other parts of my brain, the think before you speak part! I guess the upside is im amusing my colleagues!
The other strange thing is so far I have been waking up in the morning in the most fabulous moods. Usually im terrible, snappy and cranky, OH wouldn’t even try poking me with a stick, but the last week I have cuddled up to OH, much to his delight, floated out of bed happy and smiley and generally been on top form (mood wise). I hope this has a lasting effect!!
In all honestly though, this isn’t a walk in the park. Although there is no effect to my mood I am really tired all the time and have this dull cloth like headache that is there all day. Some days I will eat whatever I can lay my hands on and other days I crave veg and all that good stuff, I generally feel yuck most of the day.
Fingers crossed the witch will turn up in a few days, this is only the 2nd time in our whole quest for a family I can say I want the witch to turn up. I can then book my base scan to make sure I have down regulated enough. So really all going to plan I should start stimulating in a 7-10 days, your meant to feel better when that starts! Yipppeeeeeeee! xx
I know the point of the Burserlin is to induce a chemical menopause, shutting off parts of the brain that produce all those lovely FSH chemicals, but I think it is also shutting off other parts of my brain, the think before you speak part! I guess the upside is im amusing my colleagues!
The other strange thing is so far I have been waking up in the morning in the most fabulous moods. Usually im terrible, snappy and cranky, OH wouldn’t even try poking me with a stick, but the last week I have cuddled up to OH, much to his delight, floated out of bed happy and smiley and generally been on top form (mood wise). I hope this has a lasting effect!!
In all honestly though, this isn’t a walk in the park. Although there is no effect to my mood I am really tired all the time and have this dull cloth like headache that is there all day. Some days I will eat whatever I can lay my hands on and other days I crave veg and all that good stuff, I generally feel yuck most of the day.
Fingers crossed the witch will turn up in a few days, this is only the 2nd time in our whole quest for a family I can say I want the witch to turn up. I can then book my base scan to make sure I have down regulated enough. So really all going to plan I should start stimulating in a 7-10 days, your meant to feel better when that starts! Yipppeeeeeeee! xx
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Injection 1 & 2 done and dusted
Well well, all I can say is easy peasy!
The morning of my first injection I was as calm as a cucumber! OH was fussing something silly around me....He left all the bits I would need on the coffee table with a picture of a big smily face the night before and brought my a 5 pack of snickers, and a huge bunch of roses. So Tuesday morning I showered and dressed and settled my self to get it over and done with. Once I found a sutible chair where I could actually grab a couple of inches I held the needle against my skin and a quick dart motion I had it in, in that same split second I pulled it out, I think it was the shock that I actually did it! Anyway I "darted" again and injected al the drug.....I was so proud I did it and so was OH.
Todays injection was harder, for some reason I hesitated more, I don't know why because it is completly painless, however there was no way of getting out of it so this time I pressed it into my skin and off I went again painless.
So, so far so good! I feel absolutly fine, slightly hyper but fine. I do seem to want to eat all the time though! Im not sure if this is a side effect or, im just eating. I guess time will tell.
OH is still waiting for me to grow a second head and start breathing fire, I have my fingers tightly crossed that I wont get like that and I just fly through it.
Now I just have to keep up the injections and wait for the witch to arrive.....then onto the next step x
The morning of my first injection I was as calm as a cucumber! OH was fussing something silly around me....He left all the bits I would need on the coffee table with a picture of a big smily face the night before and brought my a 5 pack of snickers, and a huge bunch of roses. So Tuesday morning I showered and dressed and settled my self to get it over and done with. Once I found a sutible chair where I could actually grab a couple of inches I held the needle against my skin and a quick dart motion I had it in, in that same split second I pulled it out, I think it was the shock that I actually did it! Anyway I "darted" again and injected al the drug.....I was so proud I did it and so was OH.
Todays injection was harder, for some reason I hesitated more, I don't know why because it is completly painless, however there was no way of getting out of it so this time I pressed it into my skin and off I went again painless.
So, so far so good! I feel absolutly fine, slightly hyper but fine. I do seem to want to eat all the time though! Im not sure if this is a side effect or, im just eating. I guess time will tell.
OH is still waiting for me to grow a second head and start breathing fire, I have my fingers tightly crossed that I wont get like that and I just fly through it.
Now I just have to keep up the injections and wait for the witch to arrive.....then onto the next step x
Monday, 15 March 2010
Injections start tomorrow!
So I have started the Provera tablets and im taking them at 8 in the morning as directed! Im still not sure exactly why im taking them. From trawling the net I think it just something that can go alongside Buserlin.......I'm sure they have there reasons. I don't think they are effecting me. I have felt some weird niggles in my ovary area that I don't normally get.....I'm trying not to look out for symptoms as it will make me nuerotic. Im tired, which is pretty usual, and it is monday and I have cut out caffine.
My OH has been great and making sure im ok. Im not sure I can handle this for weeks on end, it's quite smothering, I know he means well, but its like he thinks that as soon as I pop that pill im going to become a monster.......bless him.
So tomorrow morning is my first injection. On Sunday I got one of the needles out and had a closer look. It's not as scary as it looks, I placed it against my skin and visulised actually injecting myself. It really doesn't seem scary at the moment! im quite positive that it will be ok and I wont sit there for ages willing myself to do it, or chase my self round and round. I think its going to be a 1..2..3 and in. I plan to have the TV on at the same time and hope it distracts a little. The last thing I need is OH standing over me the whole time saying "you ok" I just need to get the first one over and done with.
It still doesn't feel real. Im not sure if this is a good or bad thing? Im positive and im trying to deal with each day as it comes.................rock on tomorrow, I CAN DO IT!!
My OH has been great and making sure im ok. Im not sure I can handle this for weeks on end, it's quite smothering, I know he means well, but its like he thinks that as soon as I pop that pill im going to become a monster.......bless him.
So tomorrow morning is my first injection. On Sunday I got one of the needles out and had a closer look. It's not as scary as it looks, I placed it against my skin and visulised actually injecting myself. It really doesn't seem scary at the moment! im quite positive that it will be ok and I wont sit there for ages willing myself to do it, or chase my self round and round. I think its going to be a 1..2..3 and in. I plan to have the TV on at the same time and hope it distracts a little. The last thing I need is OH standing over me the whole time saying "you ok" I just need to get the first one over and done with.
It still doesn't feel real. Im not sure if this is a good or bad thing? Im positive and im trying to deal with each day as it comes.................rock on tomorrow, I CAN DO IT!!
Friday, 12 March 2010
All ready to go!
We had our appointment at the clinic yesterday where we went through all the consent forms and was shown how to inject. I was really please because OH had questions to ask, which I didn't think about and it showed he actually was listening and understanding what we are about to go through.
The best bit was when the nurse mentioned the side effects of the down reggulation and told OH to be patient and realise that being irritable and moody is a side effect. I really hope he takes that on board because he has a habit of being insensitive when PMT arrises!
Im slightly annoyed that they were really keen for me to do the injections in the morning! Im rubbish in the morning, I can just about drag myself out of bed, get showered and get myself off to work with out adding an injection and in a few weeks a second injection!!! The reasoning behind doing them in the morning is you wont spend the rest of the day worring about doing the injection! I can see where they are coming from but im just not that sort of person. Hey ho, mornings it is!
So Sunday is the start when I pop that first pill, then on Tuesday the injections will start.
Bless OH he seems to think that as soon as I take that first tablet im going to have every side effect! I bloody hope not, but I do intend on having a chilled Sunday, actually a chilled out cycle of ICSI!!! PMA all the way!
The best bit was when the nurse mentioned the side effects of the down reggulation and told OH to be patient and realise that being irritable and moody is a side effect. I really hope he takes that on board because he has a habit of being insensitive when PMT arrises!
Im slightly annoyed that they were really keen for me to do the injections in the morning! Im rubbish in the morning, I can just about drag myself out of bed, get showered and get myself off to work with out adding an injection and in a few weeks a second injection!!! The reasoning behind doing them in the morning is you wont spend the rest of the day worring about doing the injection! I can see where they are coming from but im just not that sort of person. Hey ho, mornings it is!
So Sunday is the start when I pop that first pill, then on Tuesday the injections will start.
Bless OH he seems to think that as soon as I take that first tablet im going to have every side effect! I bloody hope not, but I do intend on having a chilled Sunday, actually a chilled out cycle of ICSI!!! PMA all the way!
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
Special delivery
Well my drugs arrived today.....in a bloody big box.
I was told they would arrive between 8-4pm, what stupid timing, it meant I couldn't go anywhere, I was a prisoner for the day.
When they eventually arrived at 1 o'clock, I couldn't wait to have a nose and check out what I was up against! Im not sure what I was expecting but it was sort of deflating! There was this stupid purple zip up case, what its meant to be for I don't know, there was nothing in it, so now it is storing my needles, buserlin, presseries and sharps bin! the rest is in the fridge! I slightly miffed that there was no alcohol wipes included, I guess I will have to go buy some.
It all seems so more real now. My best friend and I were discussing how many eggs to have put back in, and to be honest the thought of twins scares the living **** out of me. I like the idea when they are older, 3 upwards, but its the thought of trying to cope with 2 when they are so dependant. OH would quite happily have twins..........We will make our mind up when the time comes. we have far to many hurdles to get over first.
2 more sleeps till I find out my full protacol and know whats going where and all that jazz!! Roll on Sunday!
I was told they would arrive between 8-4pm, what stupid timing, it meant I couldn't go anywhere, I was a prisoner for the day.
When they eventually arrived at 1 o'clock, I couldn't wait to have a nose and check out what I was up against! Im not sure what I was expecting but it was sort of deflating! There was this stupid purple zip up case, what its meant to be for I don't know, there was nothing in it, so now it is storing my needles, buserlin, presseries and sharps bin! the rest is in the fridge! I slightly miffed that there was no alcohol wipes included, I guess I will have to go buy some.
It all seems so more real now. My best friend and I were discussing how many eggs to have put back in, and to be honest the thought of twins scares the living **** out of me. I like the idea when they are older, 3 upwards, but its the thought of trying to cope with 2 when they are so dependant. OH would quite happily have twins..........We will make our mind up when the time comes. we have far to many hurdles to get over first.
2 more sleeps till I find out my full protacol and know whats going where and all that jazz!! Roll on Sunday!
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
5K lighter!!!
Well today I paid the invoice for ICSI! No matter how quick the women taking my card details said £3965, I still let out a little squeek! I did ask if she could drop a 0 off the end, but she wasn't having any of it :-) Well as I'm told all the time, if you don't ask you don't get! hahaha!
I also called the drug company as I was worried about them delivering, I have a funny week at work next week and the only available day I could be at home was Tuesday, and just by chance thats the day they are going to deliver. So another 1K down and my drugs are on the way....
It all seems so very real now we have parted with all that money. Im not stressing as much, worrying about it not working and all that money gone. My OH says its like walking into a casino and putting 5k on red, and that is pretty much where we are, with slightly lesser odds......
I have now let my boss know that treatment is due to start on the 14th and apoligised in advance for irational outbursts and moods swings, his words were "swing away" and "if you need to work at home, then thats fine". I couldn't ask for more to be honest.
I have to mention my amazing family and friends. They have been so supportive throughout every test prod and poke, they have listened to my every worry, story and irrational thought. They have learnt when I just don't want to talk about it, and know when to just leave me alone. My only one regret is the amount of people that know that we are going through ICSI. I end up telling the same story over and over, and i now realise that if its bad news I have to tell them all!
It also occured to me that the date I actually start the treatment is Mothering Sunday! Surely that has to be a good sign. I'm not the type of person that looks for signs, but for once im clinging on to the 14th being a good omen.....<3
I also called the drug company as I was worried about them delivering, I have a funny week at work next week and the only available day I could be at home was Tuesday, and just by chance thats the day they are going to deliver. So another 1K down and my drugs are on the way....
It all seems so very real now we have parted with all that money. Im not stressing as much, worrying about it not working and all that money gone. My OH says its like walking into a casino and putting 5k on red, and that is pretty much where we are, with slightly lesser odds......
I have now let my boss know that treatment is due to start on the 14th and apoligised in advance for irational outbursts and moods swings, his words were "swing away" and "if you need to work at home, then thats fine". I couldn't ask for more to be honest.
I have to mention my amazing family and friends. They have been so supportive throughout every test prod and poke, they have listened to my every worry, story and irrational thought. They have learnt when I just don't want to talk about it, and know when to just leave me alone. My only one regret is the amount of people that know that we are going through ICSI. I end up telling the same story over and over, and i now realise that if its bad news I have to tell them all!
It also occured to me that the date I actually start the treatment is Mothering Sunday! Surely that has to be a good sign. I'm not the type of person that looks for signs, but for once im clinging on to the 14th being a good omen.....<3
Monday, 1 March 2010
The postman brought me a lovely surprise!
Just a quick post today........
Thank god Monday is over with! The only thing keeping me going is the countdown to the 10th March, which is when we have our set up appointment! I woke up in a foul mood this morning, and took it out on OH, he has finally got used to my morning grumpiness and now just leaves me alone to fester in my bad mood.
Another normal day at work (crikey how exciting is my life) I need to tell my boss about my impending treatment. He knows it’s going to happen but I better tell him it’s this month, just so he can prepare for possible mood swings and time away from the office! Thank god for flexible working, I think it may be my saviour, when im not in the mood to deal with colleagues I can shut myself away.......!
When I got home there confirmation for our set up appointment had arrived along with my drug list, consent form and invoice for just under 4k!! To add insult to injury they want the money before we attend the appointment, and apparently the drug company would be in touch to arrange delivery of the drugs and request payment!
I casually left the invoice on the coffee table for OH to see when he got home! What a lovely girl I am. In all fairness we both knew how much this was going to cost, it was just seeing it in black and white!
So day closer and im just as excited. I have the weekend to myself and im looking forward to watching chick flicks and eating chinese, having so proper me time, I can't wait!
Until tomorrow...............................x
Thank god Monday is over with! The only thing keeping me going is the countdown to the 10th March, which is when we have our set up appointment! I woke up in a foul mood this morning, and took it out on OH, he has finally got used to my morning grumpiness and now just leaves me alone to fester in my bad mood.
Another normal day at work (crikey how exciting is my life) I need to tell my boss about my impending treatment. He knows it’s going to happen but I better tell him it’s this month, just so he can prepare for possible mood swings and time away from the office! Thank god for flexible working, I think it may be my saviour, when im not in the mood to deal with colleagues I can shut myself away.......!
When I got home there confirmation for our set up appointment had arrived along with my drug list, consent form and invoice for just under 4k!! To add insult to injury they want the money before we attend the appointment, and apparently the drug company would be in touch to arrange delivery of the drugs and request payment!
I casually left the invoice on the coffee table for OH to see when he got home! What a lovely girl I am. In all fairness we both knew how much this was going to cost, it was just seeing it in black and white!
So day closer and im just as excited. I have the weekend to myself and im looking forward to watching chick flicks and eating chinese, having so proper me time, I can't wait!
Until tomorrow...............................x
Sunday, 28 February 2010
In the begining
It’s funny, well it makes me chuckle, I went through my teens doing everything possible not to fall pregnant! The thought of an unplanned bun in the oven by a boyfriend of a few months scared me silly, so like a good girl I took my pill and kept a healthy suppy of wellies in the top draw of my bedside table and hey presto no unplanned babies no scares, just lots of naughty fun!
So here I am at the age of 29 happily settled (although not married, just engaged) to my wonderful man of 6 years, ready to start a family, in fact we have been ready for the last 3 years, it's just not happened.
I remember the day clearly when we decided that we wanted a baby, my OH (other half) looked me in the eyes and asked me to be the mummy of his children! Well of course I wasn’t going to say no, but I also said that I didn't want to become obsessive with the whole trying to get pregnant. I had seen the effects it had on girls on forums! I was not going to become that sort of person, temping, OPK's forced bd-ing (baby dancing) I want to keep all this relaxed and fun.
Anyway skip a few years and we are in the middle of last year (2009) and not even a sniff of a positive pregnancy test! Each month the horrible witch appeared pretty much on time unpacking her bags leaving me resentful of all those stupid girls getting pregnant at 16 and mourning a baby I have never had!
In the end I took the bull by the horns, we couldn't keep pretending and hoping that next month was our month, so off I popped to the doctors! He was amazingly supportive, and didn't hesitate to send us off for some tests! 3 blood tests later for me and a sperm test for my OH we went to get the results, this was the day my world started to crumble. My OH sperm sample had nothing in it! No swimmers what so ever, to say this was a shock was an understatement! It was a lot of information to take in and digest. We were sent off with another pot for OH to do another sample. The 2nd sample came back with the same results and we were referred to the hospital straight away.
We chatted throughout this, in fact we became better at communicating with each other, it definitely made us stronger. It made us believe even more that we deserved to be parents and we were going to do everything we could do to become mummy and daddy.
The next 6 months flew. We saw a fertility consultant, and more blood tests to make sure that OH Azoospermia wasn't a hormone or genetic issue. These came back fine so we were referred to a Urologist. So next was a visit to the urologist and the fertility centre! He was more than certain that he could find swimmers with a simple op, which scared the living god out of my OH, I mean what man wouldn't be worried about having his most sensitive parts fiddled with, with needles and possibly a knife. It was all very exciting, especially when the appointment for said op came trough just before Christmas and was due to happen just after Christmas.
The op was extremely successful, when I got him home, we had a little peer at his balls and there was just the one mark which look like a puncture wound, deep down I knew this was good news, after all my research online I knew that this meant they found some swimmers in the first place they went to. About 8 o'clock that evening we got the call to say that it went really well and they found lots of healthy swimmers. We just had to wait for them to be frozen and thawed to make sure they survived which they did.
So here we are now. We have decided to self fund as im not old enough to be eligible for our 1 and only free NHS go.
As normal my period came on time so I made the call and we are booked in for our ICSI set up appointment on the 11th March with the plan to start treatment in a few weeks.
I'm, excited scared, nervous, and a step closer to or much wanted baby! The point of me writing this down is to share my feelings and thoughts, even if no one is reading it’s going to help.
Here we go..............................!
So here I am at the age of 29 happily settled (although not married, just engaged) to my wonderful man of 6 years, ready to start a family, in fact we have been ready for the last 3 years, it's just not happened.
I remember the day clearly when we decided that we wanted a baby, my OH (other half) looked me in the eyes and asked me to be the mummy of his children! Well of course I wasn’t going to say no, but I also said that I didn't want to become obsessive with the whole trying to get pregnant. I had seen the effects it had on girls on forums! I was not going to become that sort of person, temping, OPK's forced bd-ing (baby dancing) I want to keep all this relaxed and fun.
Anyway skip a few years and we are in the middle of last year (2009) and not even a sniff of a positive pregnancy test! Each month the horrible witch appeared pretty much on time unpacking her bags leaving me resentful of all those stupid girls getting pregnant at 16 and mourning a baby I have never had!
In the end I took the bull by the horns, we couldn't keep pretending and hoping that next month was our month, so off I popped to the doctors! He was amazingly supportive, and didn't hesitate to send us off for some tests! 3 blood tests later for me and a sperm test for my OH we went to get the results, this was the day my world started to crumble. My OH sperm sample had nothing in it! No swimmers what so ever, to say this was a shock was an understatement! It was a lot of information to take in and digest. We were sent off with another pot for OH to do another sample. The 2nd sample came back with the same results and we were referred to the hospital straight away.
We chatted throughout this, in fact we became better at communicating with each other, it definitely made us stronger. It made us believe even more that we deserved to be parents and we were going to do everything we could do to become mummy and daddy.
The next 6 months flew. We saw a fertility consultant, and more blood tests to make sure that OH Azoospermia wasn't a hormone or genetic issue. These came back fine so we were referred to a Urologist. So next was a visit to the urologist and the fertility centre! He was more than certain that he could find swimmers with a simple op, which scared the living god out of my OH, I mean what man wouldn't be worried about having his most sensitive parts fiddled with, with needles and possibly a knife. It was all very exciting, especially when the appointment for said op came trough just before Christmas and was due to happen just after Christmas.
The op was extremely successful, when I got him home, we had a little peer at his balls and there was just the one mark which look like a puncture wound, deep down I knew this was good news, after all my research online I knew that this meant they found some swimmers in the first place they went to. About 8 o'clock that evening we got the call to say that it went really well and they found lots of healthy swimmers. We just had to wait for them to be frozen and thawed to make sure they survived which they did.
So here we are now. We have decided to self fund as im not old enough to be eligible for our 1 and only free NHS go.
As normal my period came on time so I made the call and we are booked in for our ICSI set up appointment on the 11th March with the plan to start treatment in a few weeks.
I'm, excited scared, nervous, and a step closer to or much wanted baby! The point of me writing this down is to share my feelings and thoughts, even if no one is reading it’s going to help.
Here we go..............................!
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