In the begining

It’s funny, well it makes me chuckle, I went through my teens doing everything possible not to fall pregnant! The thought of an unplanned bun in the oven by a boyfriend of a few months scared me silly, so like a good girl I took my pill and kept a healthy suppy of wellies in the top draw of my bedside table and hey presto no unplanned babies no scares, just lots of naughty fun!

So here I am at the age of 29 happily settled (although not married, just engaged) to my wonderful man of 6 years, ready to start a family, in fact we have been ready for the last 3 years, it's just not happened.

I remember the day clearly when we decided that we wanted a baby, my OH (other half) looked me in the eyes and asked me to be the mummy of his children! Well of course I wasn’t going to say no, but I also said that I didn't want to become obsessive with the whole trying to get pregnant. I had seen the effects it had on girls on forums! I was not going to become that sort of person, temping, OPK's forced bd-ing (baby dancing) I want to keep all this relaxed and fun.
Anyway skip a few years and we are in the middle of last year (2009) and not even a sniff of a positive pregnancy test! Each month the horrible witch appeared pretty much on time unpacking her bags leaving me resentful of all those stupid girls getting pregnant at 16 and mourning a baby I have never had!
In the end I took the bull by the horns, we couldn't keep pretending and hoping that next month was our month, so off I popped to the doctors! He was amazingly supportive, and didn't hesitate to send us off for some tests! 3 blood tests later for me and a sperm test for my OH we went to get the results, this was the day my world started to crumble. My OH sperm sample had nothing in it! No swimmers what so ever, to say this was a shock was an understatement! It was a lot of information to take in and digest. We were sent off with another pot for OH to do another sample. The 2nd sample came back with the same results and we were referred to the hospital straight away.

We chatted throughout this, in fact we became better at communicating with each other, it definitely made us stronger. It made us believe even more that we deserved to be parents and we were going to do everything we could do to become mummy and daddy.

The next 6 months flew. We saw a fertility consultant, and more blood tests to make sure that OH Azoospermia wasn't a hormone or genetic issue. These came back fine so we were referred to a Urologist. So next was a visit to the urologist and the fertility centre! He was more than certain that he could find swimmers with a simple op, which scared the living god out of my OH, I mean what man wouldn't be worried about having his most sensitive parts fiddled with, with needles and possibly a knife. It was all very exciting, especially when the appointment for said op came trough just before Christmas and was due to happen just after Christmas.

The op was extremely successful, when I got him home, we had a little peer at his balls and there was just the one mark which look like a puncture wound, deep down I knew this was good news, after all my research online I knew that this meant they found some swimmers in the first place they went to. About 8 o'clock that evening we got the call to say that it went really well and they found lots of healthy swimmers. We just had to wait for them to be frozen and thawed to make sure they survived which they did.

So here we are now. We have decided to self fund as im not old enough to be eligible for our 1 and only free NHS go.
As normal my period came on time so I made the call and we are booked in for our ICSI set up appointment on the 11th March with the plan to start treatment in a few weeks.
I'm, excited scared, nervous, and a step closer to or much wanted baby! The point of me writing this down is to share my feelings and thoughts, even if no one is reading it’s going to help.

Here we go..............................!